How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don’t Like Conflict

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This HBR article by Joel Garfinkle has some good ideas about how to have those conversations you are probably avoiding despite the fact that you know they need to happen.  I would add two points:

  1. Remember that feedback, which is what you are providing when you tell someone about the issues you are having with them, is a gift.  We all need more feedback as we tend to get very little constructive feedback in our workplaces.
  2. Although Joel suggests not planning your words, I would always recommend creating a "Constructive Feedback Statement" based on the formula:
    • I feel... (fill in this blank by explain how what the person did/does makes you feel)
    • when you... (explain SPECIFICALLY what they did)
    • because... (explain the affect of their behaviour on you, your team or the project)
    • would you please...(ask for a  new behaviour and be specific about what that would look like)
    • What do you think?  (this is where the conversation becomes a two way dialogue and moves the relationship forward)

Here is a link to the article...

https://hbr.org/2017/05/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-when-you-dont-like-conflict

Try giving the gift of feedback soon!